My three day trip to Beijing made me like pillows, Facebook and Chinese people.

I did three nights in Beijing last week and here is an attempt at recollecting my thoughts during this visit. For background: my friend had a training there, I had leave from work that week and was able to secure a good deal on the flight (about 440'000 MNT, which equals 325 USD) and I could stay with my friend at the hotel which was paid for by her work.

Our flight was an early morning one; O and her dad were going to pick me up at 6 a.m. I showered and packed the essentials: black top, extra underwear (wherever I go, I always forget to bring extra socks and underwear, but this time I was prepared), extra socks, party dress, high waisted denim shorts etc. I set aside my jeans, striped shirt and "tangerine tango" blazer to wear to the airport, and got into bed by 10 p.m. Needless to say, I lay there awake until almost 2 a.m.

When girlfriends travel together and are stuck waiting at airports or in hotel lobbies, they probably take photos of themselves making duck faces and post them on Instagram. My friend and I play Word Search on my Galaxy S2. It's always fun getting annoyed at all the stupid, made-up words. We set a new high score, beating mije, Mije, Due and other mijes.

On this trip, yet again, I noticed how polite and helpful Chinese people are. Even friendly... Drop me off somewhere in Mexico, Poland or Italy, and I'm sure I can make my way through and communicate with people somehow. Drop me off 1.5 hours south by plane and I feel like an alien. None of the words make any sense to me, no matter how I try to open my ears. None of the letters (well, characters, to be precise) speak to me. Here, I understand what it's like to feel completely lost linguistically.

And yet, people were patient and helpful. Even though we acted like deaf, mute, uncivilized, blundering buffoons most of the time, they smiled and were so... accommodating. Another thing I noticed was how demure and well-behaved they were, in general. O and I, whenever we were frustrated or surprised, or found something funny, everything about our body language and booming voices would express that emotion to the fullest. Only to be followed by pin-drop silence... and we'd look around and notice that we're the loudest and most animated people around.

Note: Publishing this years later. Interesting to read these details now. Don't know the date of the original post, probably end of 2012.

On positivity

Everything is always in motion, morphing. Just remember that and embrace it. Like an ocean tide, it ebbs and flows. Like a wave, it can be rough sometimes, and other times smooth sailing. I feel like the most important thing is to be able to ride that wave, the highs and lows, with ease, grace and full acceptance of what they are and their very nature.

Everything is constantly changing. People, circumstances, our bodies and psychological states. Sometimes abruptly, or sometimes so slowly you do not notice. As long as you accept this fact, you will realize that everything is just going as it should and while it may seem horrible and grave at the time, it really is there as a perhaps harsh learning experience.

Everything makes sense in retrospect.

Invictus

Out of the night the covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole.
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

- William Ernest Henley

La Belle Dame sans Merci Hath thee in thrall!

I am in a situation and this poem comes to mind. Never thought I'd relate to this when I was studying it back in high school and making jokes about the pacing steed. Well, here we go:

O what can ail thee, knight-at-arms,
Alone and palely loitering?
The sedge has withered from the lake,
And no birds sing.

O what can ail thee, knight-at-arms,
So haggard and so woe-begone?
The squirrel’s granary is full,
And the harvest’s done.

I see a lily on thy brow,
With anguish moist and fever-dew,
And on thy cheeks a fading rose
Fast withereth too.

I met a lady in the meads,
Full beautiful—a faery’s child,
Her hair was long, her foot was light,
And her eyes were wild.

I made a garland for her head,
And bracelets too, and fragrant zone;
She looked at me as she did love,
And made sweet moan

I set her on my pacing steed,
And nothing else saw all day long,
For sidelong would she bend, and sing
A faery’s song.

She found me roots of relish sweet,
And honey wild, and manna-dew,
And sure in language strange she said—
‘I love thee true’.

She took me to her Elfin grot,
And there she wept and sighed full sore,
And there I shut her wild wild eyes
With kisses four.

And there she lullèd me asleep,
And there I dreamed—Ah! woe betide!—
The latest dream I ever dreamt
On the cold hill side.

I saw pale kings and princes too,
Pale warriors, death-pale were they all;
They cried—‘La Belle Dame sans Merci
Hath thee in thrall!’

I saw their starved lips in the gloam,
With horrid warning gapèd wide,
And I awoke and found me here,
On the cold hill’s side.

And this is why I sojourn here,
Alone and palely loitering,
Though the sedge is withered from the lake,
And no birds sing.

***

I don't like hurting sensitive people.

Ceramic Adventures

It has been over a month since the challenge with Boogi. Well, we both decided to extend it for another month and meet up on Dec. 2 to share our pieces.

I started going to the Ceramic Art Studio in October, to the hand-building class. October was a particularly hectic and stressful month at work, with me handling some crazy projects, so the ceramics class was a great way to balance that and get my mind off of work.

In total I made 9 pieces last month, but totally in the glazing process. I think it was mainly because of lack of experience, that I had close to no idea of how the final product would look like, how the glazes would react with one another, how thick I should apply it etc. Even with the surface, I was a little hesitant to experiment with decorations and textures. I just wanted to make basic, simple basic shapes.

Alright, enough talking, let's got on with the pictures.

1. Brainstorming (Ideas)

2. Pieces before firing.

3. Pieces after first firing.

4. Final pieces.

 - Free molded cup. My favorite piece, if only the glaze had turned out good.

- Ger jewelry case. I painted the rope parts and the door with acrylic. You little wobbly looking thing. I will work on the upgrade of this piece.

 - Thumbprint mug. Just wanted to try out a basic shape.

 

 - Pentagon base cup, with triangular handle. Loved the shape, but the total mess of a glaze that looks like baby poop.

 - Free molded pot. Professional photography is an amazing thing.

 - My candelabra/jewelry holder/flower vase.

Month one was a good learning experience and now in my second month, I am interested in working with different textures, how the glaze will turn out on them and also sculptures.

Domestic Friday

This little corner here is where the homeless congregate, drunks drink, ferile kittens play and lovers meet. If a few days ago, the trees were swollen with golden leaves, their branches are now getting bare from one side.

I've been having terrible lower back pain since last night and so took today off from work. Despite the pain, it was nice spending a day at home.

For lunch, I decided to have a simple sandwich with eggs, cilantro and cucumber. This is the most perfectly intact omlette I've made in a long while.

Mmm... I want to have a little cilantro plant in my apartment. I would put it in everything.

And even though my lower back pain is probably my kidneys, I decided to have a nice, proper latte after my lunch. I've cut back on my coffee addiction (seriously, I used to drink 3-6 cups a day) and have it about once or twice a week. So this was my indulgence. The Twix and mint chocolate that came after is just something I have almost everyday. Gotta have my chocolate, hello-o?

Since I couldn't just lie on my back all day, I decided to do a bit of "winterization". Bringing out my sweaters and long underwear, and putting away my colorful, summer clothes. Last summer was so cold, I hardly got to wear them! All my winter clothes look so dark, heavy and gloomy. I definitely need to devise a plan on how to make counteract the impending cold and darkness. More on that later.

So, for a start, how is this for cold weather coziness? Aww...

Junk Envy

I have junk envy that is slowly turning into an obsession. This old, rusted metal stool has been sitting on this balcony for ages and I eye it every morning on my walk to work. I think I've been checking it out for the past few months, if not a year already. I know: creeper! So, since I am one, I went ahead and took a photo to document its junky, raw beauty.

Voila! Those long legs, all rusted and old. That tiny little octagon seat. The legs have a detail that I can't really describe... okay, I'll try. It's a three-legged stool, with each leg consisting of two rods that meet at the bottom. I have half-decided to just walk up to their door and ask to buy it. They obviously don't need it; it's been out on that balcony since forever!

Look, here's a similar piece:

(Source: Design Sponge)

Imagine the poor people who live in there, completely unaware that I'm so fixated on their little old stool. But hey, you know what they say, one man's junk is another chick's treasure!

Pretty

A perfectly imperfect flower from an early morning hike, dew intact.

Potatoes wanna potate, Creators wanna create!

My friend Boogi and I both finished the same design school, graduating in Fashion Design and Clothing Construction Design respectively. Now, we both have jobs completely unrelated to any kind of design.

In my case, I have a standard 0830-1700 clerical office job. Monotonous. And dulling. But hey, I have my monthly paycheck and I've been doing this for some time now. It has become a routine.

Yet still, if you have some kind of a background in art and/or design, you cannot suppress your inner need to create for long. Both Boogi and I have been yearning (nay, BURNING!) to create something tangible and hold it in our hands and say, "I made this. This is my work." So today, we finally decided to just start doing things and check back with each other in a month, to see what we have created and share our "products". Yay! Talk less, do more!

I'm digging this, a shout-out to Walt Whitman: Lana Del Rey - Body Electric

The music is beautiful, dark, slightly demented and very sensual. "Body Electric" is Lana del Rey's new album. I have to say, I really feel this girl. I think she is a real artist in that she creates an atmosphere with her work. My idea of perfection is when all (or at least three) of your senses are "assaulted" and they come together in this special, chemically balanced harmony to create a perfect moment.

With Lana del Rey, I think her persona, music and videos come together perfectly. To a point where you can almost smell the music and it picks at something inside, like you're walking down this dark alley you'd never noticed before but which, at the same, feels oddly familiar to you... Know what I mean? Do I sound like I'm tripping? Hey, that might be the effect of her songs.

Anyway, I'm glad I found this song because it brought me back to Walt Whitman, the big man, when honestly, I had pretty much walked away from poetry. An excerpt from "I Sing the Body Electric":

"The expression of the face balks account,

But the expression of a well-made man appears not only in his face,

It is in his limbs and joints also, it is curiously in the joints of his hips and wrists,

It is in his walk, the carriage of his neck, the flex of his waist and knees, dress does not hide him,

The strong sweet quality he has strikes through the cotton and broadcloth,

To see him pass conveys as much as the best poem, perhaps more,

You linger to see his back, and the back of his neck and shoulder-side."

Hair grows,
Snow melts.
The little boy lies back on the bench, sun-drenched.

Spring 2010 again

"Ah, lover and perfect equal!"
Where do you roam?
Too many entanglements
Between us
And they grow
As our hairs slowly fall.
With no proof of your
existence
I have a fire, humble, burning
As you roam and the entanglements grow
more complex.
At odd times in the dark,
I feel a flutter
in the pit of my stomach,
a slow song in my heart.
"Ah, lover and perfect equal!"
Keep my space vacant-
That vessel.
Music, beauty and subtle
utterances
will make us collide.

Spring 2010

This is
exactly what I wanted.
Short and sort of sweet,
going off with a bang
and wrapping up nicely
in a neat little knot.
Easy come and easy go
Heart intact,
curiosity satisfied, hands clean.
And yet-
it is heavy somewhere
inside;
it is cold and white
outside.
A kind of emptiness, a haze,
is present in all I see.
Sunshine makes me
drowsy
I close and open my eyes
but it is still day
and everything is grey.

Some scribbles from 2005-2006

Huniig enhriilj, hunruu tsatsarmaar bna.
Uuriin zovlong martaj, tuunii harts,
ineemsegleld avtmaar bna.
Tseejimn dotroo hamgiin hovor, exotic tsetsegs
delgeruulmeer bna.
Uvliin huiten salhind usee hiisgen guimeer bna.

***

Namaigaa zurkhendee badruulj yavaarai,
Bi chamruugaa guigeed ochno.
Namaigaa setgeldee bagtaaj baigaarai,
Udahgui bi chiniih bolno.
Zurhee gartaa atgan, huiten uvliin salhind usee hiisgen
Chamruugaa bi guij yavna.

***

With you, a great big thing in me died completely.
See the emptiness in my eyes, all but ashes.
The light in them could never be revived
Ever since you disappeared.

Yet the pain has never quite died completely.
See the hollowness in my heart, all but tangled thorns.
The joy could never be truly revived
Ever since you disappeared.

***

These were from a period when I transitioned from naive, happy type to stone cold bitch. :-(

But, as life would have it, things change and people grow. My heart has been melted since then...

Long - 2008

Couldn't help but notice
the longness of your arms
long and lean, and lightly bronzed, even down
with a perfectly beautiful wrist bone
jutting out as you reach for a cup.

Can't help but notice
the longness of your eyes
long and lovely, dark and deep
they pull and hold me, like a magnet.
How they are like mysterious wings on your
beautiful narrow face.

From my old notepads - 2006 probably

You thrive, with two hearts
beating restlessly,
pumping out energy.
I lie here half-alive,
faded flickers of a life past
before my eyes,
that old empty void in my gaping chest.
While you grow wings that lift
you into the skies,
I remain down here, in the shadows,
decaying slowly.

Faithless - We Come One

All the subtle flavors of my life
are become bitter seeds
and poisoned leaves
without you

You represent what's true
I drain the color from the sky
And turn blue
without you

These arms lack a purpose
Flapping like a humming-bird
I'm nervous 'cause
I'm the left eye
you're the right

Would it not be madness to fight
We come 1

In you the song which rights my wrongs
In you the fullness of living
The power to begin again
From right now, in you

We come 1

I'm unafraid
Never never scared
Worries washed
pressed air
I am the left eye
you're the right
Would it not be madness to fight

We come 1

"I'm gonna go back to coasting through life on my good looks. Hey, and my brains will always be there, so if I ever need them, I'll just whip 'em out and use them like a secret emergency rocket pack!"

- Michael Kelso, That 70's Show.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Xj2F8gpgq8&feature=related

Walt Whitman's poems are old yet progressive; he was the pioneer back in the old days, of the new, I feel. His poems ring with the eternal, that which is the core of every human being, and that, about his poems, is what makes your heart flutter in your chest. His poems are fluid, naked and erotic. Flushing and beating.

Sometimes with One I Love

by Walt Whitman

Sometimes with one I love I fill myself with rage for fear I
effuse unreturn'd love,
But now I think there is no unreturn'd love, the pay is
certain one way or another,
(I loved a certain person ardently and my love was not
return'd,
Yet out of that I have written these songs.)